just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
