the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
