I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
