I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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