They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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