Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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