He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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