I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
