guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
