The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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