3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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