She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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