mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
