Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
