I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
