is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
