my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
