I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
