: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
