I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
