um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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