I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
