Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
