dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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