I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
