I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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