I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
