im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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