Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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