No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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