Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm like, not good at living.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
