just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
