Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
