Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
