When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
