Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
