She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
