In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
