if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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