i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
