you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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