When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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