Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
