I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
