I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
A bitchslap is in order.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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