I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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