The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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