remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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