my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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