grandma shit on top of the toilet
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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