Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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