I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
