yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
