I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
