I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
