What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
