You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
